His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
