I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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