My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
