Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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