I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
