Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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