So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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