My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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