Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
