I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
