Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
