Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
