apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
