i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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