I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
