...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
