Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
