I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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