I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Are my feet made of real feet?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
