We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
