Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
