he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
