no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
