Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
