He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
