seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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