she woke up with a sticky ear
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
