I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize