i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
