i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
