When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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