My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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