ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
