i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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