Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
