we have pet lesbian snakes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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