Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
