Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
