What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
