You just made me feel so damn special
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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