i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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