How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
