I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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