I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
