you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
