Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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