mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
