these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
