remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
