i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
