someone threw a dead crab at me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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