I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
